Florham Park New Jersey Family Law Blog

No one -- particularly couples with kids -- wants a messy, combative divorce, but sometimes it happens. Maybe your soon-to-be-ex isn't handling the break-up well and always seems to be picking fights. Maybe the two of you are nowhere close to agreeing on things like property division, support, child custody and other issues, and that impacts your interactions.

Meanwhile, the two of you have to maintain some contact because you're co-parenting. So how do you keep the tensions between you from impacting your children?

When you were married, you and your spouse likely each helped your children buy gifts for the other one's birthday, Mother's Day and Father's Day, Christmas and other holidays. Now that you're divorced, if you share custody, you still have that responsibility. At least you do until your kids are old enough to buy these presents without your money and/or other assistance -- like a ride to the store and some help gift wrapping.

If you're still stinging from the divorce, it's understandable that you're not in the mood to help buy your ex a gift. That's why it's important to remember that you aren't doing this for them. You're doing it for your child. They want to buy their parent a gift, and they're counting on you for help. If they're too young to remember that it's their parent's birthday or when Mother's Day or Father's Day is, it's up to you to remind them and encourage them to do something nice -- even if it's just a card or a small handmade gift.

Perhaps, you and your spouse were having marriage problems for years before you decided to go your separate ways. Then again, maybe a specific event, such as an affair, convinced you that your marriage was over. Either way, filing for divorce in a New Jersey court means you will experience numerous changes in life. 

Change is a part of life. The fact that divorce will change your life is not as critical to your ability to move on without your spouse as your reactions to those changes might be. It's helpful to build a strong network of support from the start.

If your spouse has been ordered to pay you spousal and/or child support, the original support order can be modified either temporarily or permanently if circumstances change. Changes that could warrant a modification include things like a change in financial circumstances (either yours or your ex's).

For child support, changes in a child's needs as they get older can require that you seek a modification in the amount of support you receive for them. Spousal support typically ends when the recipient remarries or begins to cohabitate with someone. Of course, spousal support may be ordered with a designated end date to give the recipient time to get back into the workforce at a level where they can support themselves.