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Reason to avoid revenge in divorce proceedings

The end of a marriage can be an emotional experience for many New Jersey couples, and these emotions could spill over when they are trying to reach a settlement. However, it is important that people do not see negotiations or litigation as a way to get revenge for a number of reasons.

One reason is that this approach can be bad if they have young children. Furthermore, parents who set out to hurt their children's relationship with the other parent might find it backfiring on them. Another reason is that revenge is ultimately unsatisfying and can keep people locked in a pattern in which they cannot let go of the hurt they feel. People should also keep in mind that a long, drawn-out divorce process costs them in time and money just as it does the other person.

Some people imagine that if they go to court and explain all the things their spouse did wrong, the judge will be sympathetic. However, judges are accustomed to hearing these types of stories. Furthermore, a spouse may retaliate, and this could make the divorce even more expensive. It may be best to simply try to get the divorce over with quickly and move on. People should think about boundaries instead of revenge. Establishing these boundaries can be particularly important so they can continue to co- parent effectively after the split.

In a particularly contentious divorce, mediation may be helpful in getting couples to resolve issues and move on. In contrast to the adversarial atmosphere of litigation, in which there is often a winner and a loser, mediation aims for a cooperative resolution that suits all parties. Furthermore, in litigation, there may be little recourse if people are unhappy with a judge's decision. Mediation gives people the opportunity to control the outcome.

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